May God make you strong and bold...

Hello, friends! I started physical therapy a little bit ago, and I'm definitely seeing progress!!! I still have setbacks and times when fear tries to get the best of me, but I'm learning and growing and continuing to see God's hand of guidance.

We were supposed to start the disease modifying drugs today, but after much prayer, research, and consulting, we feel we are being led down a different path and I AM SO GRATEFUL!!! So continued prayers fo healing and guidance as we walk this new path!!!

I certainly had some crazy emotions while we were set up to start the meds. While it was scary and emotional, it was also a valuable path for me to walk to help sort through some things. Fear can be a thing for me, unfortunately. The fear of starting Gilenya was very real, and I didn't really have a peace about starting it. But I also felt like not starting Gilyena, while it wasn't doing anything, WAS doing something. NOT doing, IS doing sometimes, right? Especially in this situation, when it was easy to feel a bit like a ticking time bomb, unsure when another attack would come! Did that make any sense? ;) So I had to process a few things! Is my God big enough to walk with me, even down THIS path? For me trusting for a healing is one thing, but what about these meds now?! Ya know?! :) Is He big enough to prevent nasty side effects? Is He big enough to walk with me through these nasty side effects!? What if I die? What if I don't die and they screw me up just enough to not kill me, but leave me a vegetable? Can I still trust God even through THIS?! The answer is YES!!!! I walked that scary path in my mind straight to the end and had to decide!! The conclusion, God could be trusted!!!! He truly loves us, and we don't have to be afraid. This doesn't mean we won't be afraid! ;) This doesn't mean we won't go through hard times. But He can be our anchor!!!!

My daughter wrote out this verse for me awhile ago. It is by my recumbent bike where I exercise and I love it!!!

All in my head...

Our new favorite joke around here is, "Don't worry, it's all in your head!" Cause for me, it is!! LOL

When we first went to Urgent Care with my symptoms, she couldn't find anything alarming. So she encouraged us to plan a follow up with my PCP, but not to think too much about symptoms. "I'm not saying it's all in your head, but you know?" Yes, I know!! Actually, I do know how easy it is for me to have "sympathy pains", so I truly wasn't insulted by her comment.

Now, we have discovered it IS all neurological. So, when I have weird symptoms or tire too easily at physical therapy, we just remember..."It's all in my head!!" Sometimes, I go to describe something weird that's going on in my body, and I catch myself going to say...Maybe this is just in...wait it IS in my head!!!! I'm having a weird symptom!!! LOL

A funny...

We've all heard how dangerous the internet can be for self-diagnosis, right? Well, we've reached a new low over here. This is a convo between me and one of my children:

Child: "Are they sure you have MS, Mom?"
Me: "Doctors are pretty sure!"
Child: "Ok, cause I was thinking, if it's not MS, you might have AIDS!!!"
WOAH!!! LOL
Me: "What makes you think that sweetie?"
Child: "I was reading in a magazine. It said they prayed no one else would get AIDS. I asked (my brother) what AIDS was, and he said it was a disease!"

Well, that was QUITE a jump in conclusions there!!! Thankfully, I'm seeing more specialized doctors with more experience and training...

New favorite song...

Update...

We followed up with Infectious Disease, who ran SO.MANY.TESTS to make sure there weren't any underlying issues causing the lesions in my brain and spine. We also followed up with an MS specialist to get a 2nd opinion. They confirmed the Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis and they want me to start meds.

These meds do not come without a scary set of possible side effects and don't look all that promising. These meds do not cure, but simply try to slow the disease progression. Sounds like they hope to reduce 50% of relapses.

Thankfully we serve a mighty God and whether He heals me miraculously (Which we do still believe He can do and are trusting Him for!), or whether He "just" walks with me on this road (Which is really miraculous and shouldn't be taken lightly - that the Creator of the universe loves me enough to walk with me through this trial)...Either way, He promises that His grace will be sufficient. So we are continuing to move forward with medical intervention and continuing to trust for His guidance and healing!!!

Thank you, everyone, for your continued prayers, thoughts, help, and encouragement. I am progressing and slowly moving forward!!!

God redeems...

My Mom received a letter yesterday from a man in prison they minister to. They have been in communication with him for several years, and he considers us family. He told her that he and some of his buddies in the prison will be fasting and praying for me for 30 days!! Wow! He also sent me an awesome note of encouragement!!

Friends, if God can redeem and use a man in prison for life, to bless and encourage others, he can certainly redeem our mistakes and use us when we're surrendered to him!!!

Progress report...

Well, friends, my body is beginning to respond and I am seeing improvement. So grateful!!! We have several appointments scheduled about how to proceed forward. We are truly believing for a complete, miraculous healing, but we are trusting Him through this process.

When I was a small child I had a viral disease that was attacking my joints. It had me in so much pain. My Dad carried me around. It was rare and the doctors were unsure what would happen. They said if it went to my spine it could paralyze me. My Dad prayed for me and God healed me.

We do not always understand the How or Why or When things happen, but what we do know is this: God is good and He loves us. For now, we will rest in that and trust Him to guide us as we walk in this broken world.

Thank you so much to everyone who has come to help, done grocery trips, sent encouragement, mailed stuff, brought meals, come to clean, offered to help and PRAYED. We are truly very blessed. Your continued prayers mean so much to us!!!