As many of you know I haven't been driving for well over a year now. I gave it a try a few months ago and got to the end of the street and headed straight back. My interaction with the public world has been pretty limited. I've been feeling better lately and can definitely "handle" more. It's great really. I don't get overwhelmed as easily! This may not be something that makes sense to everyone, but I know a few of you will understand. Anyways, I've gotten out to do a few more things lately.
It's interesting as you try to acclimate to the world. I remember early on, smells really bothering me. I'm still not a big fan of smells, I haven't been for awhile. But man alive the world was SO smelly!! Smelly like laundry soap and fabric softeners. Smelly like perfumes - oh boy!! Do people even realize how hard this is for some people?! Anyways, that was a side note. Ha ha
Today, I opted to run into the fabric store with my daughter to help her pick out material for her next sewing project. This is the second time I have used a credit card machine recently that has made me realize - I don't get out much! LOL Today I swiped my credit card, my daughter took the bags, and I went to walk off!! Oh wait, I'm supposed to sign!! LOL Well, not only am I supposed to sign, I'm supposed to insert, not swipe. And oh I thought this had a chip, but where is it and where do I insert?!?! Thankfully the man was very sweet and patient as I fumbled along. He said, Don't worry I have a 4-year old, I'm very patient. Ha ha Was that supposed to be comforting?! LOL
The other day, the kids had finished some stuff with their summer reading program. So we decided to cash in for their free Chipotle prizes at the library, get some books, and head to Chipotle. While at the library, I had to run to the restroom - so I left the kids with my husband. I walked straight into the men's restroom without even thinking! At first, it seemed a little strange, it seemed a little smaller or something. Then I realized the line of urinals along the wall and almost died. I high tailed it out of there so fast!!!
The conclusions to this week's adventures...I'm definitely handling more and doing well, but I really can't be trusted alone in public just yet!!! LOL Watch out though world - Chrissy is on her way back!
At the end of the day, it helps you realize how much these simple things, we have all grown accustomed to, can be so difficult for those with chronic illnesses, brain damage, someone coming from a different country who may not speak our language, etc etc. As you go throughout your day today, don't be so rushed that you can't take the time to notice someone in need around you. There may be someone coming from another country and they might feel so overwhelmed by not understanding anything around them. There might be a new Mom trying to figure out how to handle a baby AND go grocery shopping at the same time. There may be a lady who looks fine on the outside, but she's in such chronic pain she can't concentrate long enough to decide which item is best suited for her. Maybe there is a child who is so consumed with a devastating situation at home that they are unaware of their surroundings and bump into you. We all come with all sorts of baggage. Some "baggage" is easy to see - the man in the wheel chair who needs you to help him open the door. The old lady in the parking lot who needs a hand loading her groceries. Other baggage isn't as easy to see. Try to slow down in the midst of the craziness to show patience and love to those around you - you never know what they are facing!
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Thursday, June 8, 2017
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
A little setback...
Well, it appears I've been a bit set back again.
This is frustrating and annoying, as I really thought I was beyond the point of getting kicked back down like this. A tired day here or there? Sure! But I spent yesterday and today in bed - not even so much out of exhaustion, as much as the dizziness/swirling that tries to hit me when I get up and/or move my head wrong. The protocol I'm on takes time, but I had kinda started to think I was in the "safe zone". I'm still not really sure if this is just old symptoms flaring, as they are all symptoms I've had before or just a new relapse.
This certainly isn't the worst I've been, but it's definitely a step back. I had not made a full recovery yet from past relapses, but I was headed in the right direction - walking briskly 30 minutes every night, starting to help more around the house, starting to help with the business again. The dizziness was starting to lift. My stress capacity and ability to handle things around me had definitely increased.
I'm still not driving. It's been a year. I tried a little bit ago, as the dizziness had been getting better. I got to the end of the street and headed straight back. It truly is amazing how much our brains process just going through life. We take it for granted and don't even realize how much it is doing. Life isn't supposed to tax a normal brain.
I'm still not doing my grocery shopping either. My husband and I went into an Indian market the other day. It was a lot of fun, but a reminder that I'm not ready for grocery shopping yet. Your head turns way too much when you're in a grocery store. :) I bet some of you never even realized that, huh?! ;)
We tried hitting Target last week to go dress shopping for my daughter's recital. It ended with me crying in the parking lot, calling my mom, asking her to help my daughter.
My husband and I chatted and he reminded me: I'm doing things now that I wasn't doing 3 months ago. Maybe in 3 months, I'll be grocery shopping and maybe 3 months after that I'll be driving again. I had renewed hope. :) I recovered quicker from my Target trip than I did the Indian market trip earlier that week. So we came up with a plan: My husband would drop me off at the Walgreens down the street and let me walk around a bit by myself. He would stay in the car with the kids. We would try to give my brain a chance to reestablish new pathways, starting with small chunks of time. Who knew Retail Therapy REALLY was a thing?! :) But it just never happened last week.
Then Saturday the dizziness/swirling started getting worse. We skipped a meeting we were supposed to go to Saturday night, and we skipped church Sunday morning. My daughter had a recital Sunday night and I didn't want to comprise myself. I made it Sunday night and was feeling a bit better, but got hit again Monday morning. Now I've been in bed more or less for two days. I'd really just like this to go away.
The lies try to hit...Will I miss my kids' childhood stuck in bed? The discouragement tries to come in! But like I told my friend today, I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties and get better! God is stronger than this and He's got me. I'm frustrated, I'm discouraged, I'm annoyed - But with God, I WILL overcome!!!
This is frustrating and annoying, as I really thought I was beyond the point of getting kicked back down like this. A tired day here or there? Sure! But I spent yesterday and today in bed - not even so much out of exhaustion, as much as the dizziness/swirling that tries to hit me when I get up and/or move my head wrong. The protocol I'm on takes time, but I had kinda started to think I was in the "safe zone". I'm still not really sure if this is just old symptoms flaring, as they are all symptoms I've had before or just a new relapse.
This certainly isn't the worst I've been, but it's definitely a step back. I had not made a full recovery yet from past relapses, but I was headed in the right direction - walking briskly 30 minutes every night, starting to help more around the house, starting to help with the business again. The dizziness was starting to lift. My stress capacity and ability to handle things around me had definitely increased.
I'm still not driving. It's been a year. I tried a little bit ago, as the dizziness had been getting better. I got to the end of the street and headed straight back. It truly is amazing how much our brains process just going through life. We take it for granted and don't even realize how much it is doing. Life isn't supposed to tax a normal brain.
I'm still not doing my grocery shopping either. My husband and I went into an Indian market the other day. It was a lot of fun, but a reminder that I'm not ready for grocery shopping yet. Your head turns way too much when you're in a grocery store. :) I bet some of you never even realized that, huh?! ;)
We tried hitting Target last week to go dress shopping for my daughter's recital. It ended with me crying in the parking lot, calling my mom, asking her to help my daughter.
My husband and I chatted and he reminded me: I'm doing things now that I wasn't doing 3 months ago. Maybe in 3 months, I'll be grocery shopping and maybe 3 months after that I'll be driving again. I had renewed hope. :) I recovered quicker from my Target trip than I did the Indian market trip earlier that week. So we came up with a plan: My husband would drop me off at the Walgreens down the street and let me walk around a bit by myself. He would stay in the car with the kids. We would try to give my brain a chance to reestablish new pathways, starting with small chunks of time. Who knew Retail Therapy REALLY was a thing?! :) But it just never happened last week.
Then Saturday the dizziness/swirling started getting worse. We skipped a meeting we were supposed to go to Saturday night, and we skipped church Sunday morning. My daughter had a recital Sunday night and I didn't want to comprise myself. I made it Sunday night and was feeling a bit better, but got hit again Monday morning. Now I've been in bed more or less for two days. I'd really just like this to go away.
The lies try to hit...Will I miss my kids' childhood stuck in bed? The discouragement tries to come in! But like I told my friend today, I'm gonna pull up my big girl panties and get better! God is stronger than this and He's got me. I'm frustrated, I'm discouraged, I'm annoyed - But with God, I WILL overcome!!!
Saturday, April 1, 2017
The day I thanked God for dirty feet...
Eight months after a nasty MS relapse, I walked around the neighborhood with my family tonight for the thirty minutes of exercise required by the protocol I'm on. Good, fast walking. And you know what happened? My flip-flopped feet felt dirty at the end of the day once again!!!! And you know what I did?? I thanked God for dirty feet!!! :) Ha ha
If we were to go back 8-9 months, you'd see me cautiously moving, trying to avoid right side of body spasms. They were exhausting, uncomfortable, scary, and causing a lot of anxiety. I walked hunched over, not so fast, and normally had someone with me when I did walk. My husband helped handle the household responsibilities, he helped wash my hair, and I often woke him up at night to come to the bathroom with me.
After steroids and baclofen (and LOTS of prayers) the spasms eventually stopped. I weaned off baclofen and started physical therapy. Then in September, I started Dr. Coimbra's Protocol for MS. I started on doses really too low to call Coimbra's Protocol. We started on only 20,000 IU a day, this was partially due to some blood test results. I did follow up labs in December and we increased my dose to 50,000 IU of D3 a day. In February, I did labs again and increased my dose again, this time to 100,000 IU of D3 a day!! I really began to feel something that I felt could be connected to the protocol.
The initial noticeable MS relapse was in June. It started with a dull dizzy feeling, extreme exhaustion, and a shaky, low blood sugar type feeling. Then my right arm started feeling sorta limp, although I still had strength in it. So when I went to urgent care I looked a little like a crazy lady. I went to a chiropractor the next day who suggested anxiety and/or blood sugar issues. We got into my PCP and by that point, my handwriting started to get sloppy. He got me a neuro referral. By the time I got to the neuro I had already had a similar limp/weakness feeling in my right leg come and go and tingles in my face come and go. My coordination was beginning to suffer though. When he wanted me to walk a straight/tightrope line, I looked a little like a drunk lady. Of course, my sister and I were laughing about this, which then caused my neuro to list "giddiness" as a symptom. Ha ha!
After an MRI revealing 20+ lesions, with lesions on my brain, c-spine, and t-spine, my neuro felt it was MS, but I also had positive Lyme tests. He wanted me to get a second opinion at a reputable facility. While he thought the Lyme was a false positive, he wanted me to see several specialists to look into some things - one to rule out a brain tumor. Specialists are not quick to get into, so we waited. But I worsened and eventually wound up in the hospital. At the hospital, Infectious Disease Doctors and Neurologists showed up and ruled out a brain tumor and Lyme disease and confirmed MS. From there we went forward with steroids.
Anyways, after all that was behind me, we started Dr. Coimbra's Protocol which requires 30 minutes of brisk walking a day to prevent bone loss on the protocol. Physical therapy helped a lot, but I still wasn't ready for brisk walking. I found it difficult to do a lot of moving around still. Fatigue, dizziness, processing issues, etc. It was taxing for my brain. I discovered I had a lesion on an area in my brain that relates to processing spatial information. I normally wouldn't feel dizzy if I was just sitting still, but would be careful about walking a lot/doing a lot. I was careful about moving my head, etc. Processing a lot around me can be hard on me. So we started with a recumbent stationary bike. No movement (besides my legs of course ;)). It was low to the ground and safe if I had a spasm again. I started doing 30 minutes of this a day. I then started subbing out partial time with marching in place behind the recumbent bike while holding on to the back of the seat. Then one day, I discovered I could march in place for the full 30 minutes!!! I still wasn't ready to walk around for the 30 minutes, but I could march in place!!! Then I would march in place while using weights and part of the time I would do "stair stepping" on a step stool. :) Then I decided to try the walking. I walked with focus, head down/still, so as to avoid processing everything going on around me and to try to avoid motion sickness from my head moving around too much. The next night we tried again and it was easier. I was able to look around a bit more. The third night was even better. The fourth night, I was exhausted and we slowed down a bit, but I was still doing better with processing/not having to keep my head down!!
It feels strange having that dirty feet feeling at the end of the day again. I always wear flip flops so it was a very common feeling before, just from actively doing life, but it hasn't been such a common feeling lately...So today I am grateful. Grateful for dirty feet!!! :)
If we were to go back 8-9 months, you'd see me cautiously moving, trying to avoid right side of body spasms. They were exhausting, uncomfortable, scary, and causing a lot of anxiety. I walked hunched over, not so fast, and normally had someone with me when I did walk. My husband helped handle the household responsibilities, he helped wash my hair, and I often woke him up at night to come to the bathroom with me.
After steroids and baclofen (and LOTS of prayers) the spasms eventually stopped. I weaned off baclofen and started physical therapy. Then in September, I started Dr. Coimbra's Protocol for MS. I started on doses really too low to call Coimbra's Protocol. We started on only 20,000 IU a day, this was partially due to some blood test results. I did follow up labs in December and we increased my dose to 50,000 IU of D3 a day. In February, I did labs again and increased my dose again, this time to 100,000 IU of D3 a day!! I really began to feel something that I felt could be connected to the protocol.
The initial noticeable MS relapse was in June. It started with a dull dizzy feeling, extreme exhaustion, and a shaky, low blood sugar type feeling. Then my right arm started feeling sorta limp, although I still had strength in it. So when I went to urgent care I looked a little like a crazy lady. I went to a chiropractor the next day who suggested anxiety and/or blood sugar issues. We got into my PCP and by that point, my handwriting started to get sloppy. He got me a neuro referral. By the time I got to the neuro I had already had a similar limp/weakness feeling in my right leg come and go and tingles in my face come and go. My coordination was beginning to suffer though. When he wanted me to walk a straight/tightrope line, I looked a little like a drunk lady. Of course, my sister and I were laughing about this, which then caused my neuro to list "giddiness" as a symptom. Ha ha!
After an MRI revealing 20+ lesions, with lesions on my brain, c-spine, and t-spine, my neuro felt it was MS, but I also had positive Lyme tests. He wanted me to get a second opinion at a reputable facility. While he thought the Lyme was a false positive, he wanted me to see several specialists to look into some things - one to rule out a brain tumor. Specialists are not quick to get into, so we waited. But I worsened and eventually wound up in the hospital. At the hospital, Infectious Disease Doctors and Neurologists showed up and ruled out a brain tumor and Lyme disease and confirmed MS. From there we went forward with steroids.
Anyways, after all that was behind me, we started Dr. Coimbra's Protocol which requires 30 minutes of brisk walking a day to prevent bone loss on the protocol. Physical therapy helped a lot, but I still wasn't ready for brisk walking. I found it difficult to do a lot of moving around still. Fatigue, dizziness, processing issues, etc. It was taxing for my brain. I discovered I had a lesion on an area in my brain that relates to processing spatial information. I normally wouldn't feel dizzy if I was just sitting still, but would be careful about walking a lot/doing a lot. I was careful about moving my head, etc. Processing a lot around me can be hard on me. So we started with a recumbent stationary bike. No movement (besides my legs of course ;)). It was low to the ground and safe if I had a spasm again. I started doing 30 minutes of this a day. I then started subbing out partial time with marching in place behind the recumbent bike while holding on to the back of the seat. Then one day, I discovered I could march in place for the full 30 minutes!!! I still wasn't ready to walk around for the 30 minutes, but I could march in place!!! Then I would march in place while using weights and part of the time I would do "stair stepping" on a step stool. :) Then I decided to try the walking. I walked with focus, head down/still, so as to avoid processing everything going on around me and to try to avoid motion sickness from my head moving around too much. The next night we tried again and it was easier. I was able to look around a bit more. The third night was even better. The fourth night, I was exhausted and we slowed down a bit, but I was still doing better with processing/not having to keep my head down!!
It feels strange having that dirty feet feeling at the end of the day again. I always wear flip flops so it was a very common feeling before, just from actively doing life, but it hasn't been such a common feeling lately...So today I am grateful. Grateful for dirty feet!!! :)
Monday, March 20, 2017
Expectations...
My husband and I were recently talking about the whole MS, vitamin D therapy, and supernatural healing thing. ;)
When I was a little girl (I'm sure most of you have heard this story, so I'll keep it brief), I had a viral joint disease. My family carried me around, as it was painful for me to walk. I really don't remember much, not even the pain. I do remember two things, though: 1 - I have a faint memory of getting to eat, I think it was brownies, for breakfast one of those mornings - because brownies fix everything right? Apparently, I learned this at an early age! I will blame this on my Mom! :) and 2 - I remember my dad standing me up/holding me up on their water bed and praying for me. The Drs said it was very rare, there was no cure. They didn't know what was gonna happen. If it spread to my spine, it could paralyze me. My Dad prayed, and then one day God healed me. Just like that. That simple.
Anyways, when this whole MS thing went down, it felt so much like an attack, yet another attack on my ability to move. The enemy had already tried to take that away from me and God healed me, Why was this happening again? I still don't have that answer...completely! :) I know this hasn't been from God, but I know He's using it.
Anyways, back to my discussion with my husband. We were talking about faith and how we need to follow WHERE God is leading US! We have a unique journey. God doesn't have a one-size-fits-all approach. When Naaman went to Elisha to be healed, Elisha told him to go and wash seven times in the Jordan River. Naaman wasn't thrilled with this idea. In fact, it says in 2 Kings 5, "But Naaman went away angry and said, 'I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy.'" He was angry about how things went down. He had different expectations for how things were going to be handled, but when he followed Elisha's directions - his healing came!
I feel very much like Naaman right now, but maybe we could say I'm a bit confused rather than angry! It's not that I'm ungrateful. I am EXTREMELY grateful to have found a natural and fairly simple protocol that will put MS into remission. I am TRULY thankful and grateful. But if I am honest - this is not how I wanted it to be. This is not what I was expecting. I was expecting for God to show up with another supernatural miracle. I was expecting another story to bring glory to His name. Another story to impress the medical professionals who have seen the 20+ lesions on my brain and spine. But at least for right now, that doesn't seem to be the path I'm on.
But you know what? There is so much along the way. There are so many stories of the day to day miracles, the day to day comfort and guidance - stuff that wouldn't be here if a miraculous event took care of everything all at once. The day to day miracles, the simple guidance and provision, these are the things we need to remember and focus on. These are the things we need to be grateful for. Let's not lose sight of the daily miracles, because we are disappointed God worked in a way we weren't expecting.
When I was a little girl (I'm sure most of you have heard this story, so I'll keep it brief), I had a viral joint disease. My family carried me around, as it was painful for me to walk. I really don't remember much, not even the pain. I do remember two things, though: 1 - I have a faint memory of getting to eat, I think it was brownies, for breakfast one of those mornings - because brownies fix everything right? Apparently, I learned this at an early age! I will blame this on my Mom! :) and 2 - I remember my dad standing me up/holding me up on their water bed and praying for me. The Drs said it was very rare, there was no cure. They didn't know what was gonna happen. If it spread to my spine, it could paralyze me. My Dad prayed, and then one day God healed me. Just like that. That simple.
Anyways, when this whole MS thing went down, it felt so much like an attack, yet another attack on my ability to move. The enemy had already tried to take that away from me and God healed me, Why was this happening again? I still don't have that answer...completely! :) I know this hasn't been from God, but I know He's using it.
Anyways, back to my discussion with my husband. We were talking about faith and how we need to follow WHERE God is leading US! We have a unique journey. God doesn't have a one-size-fits-all approach. When Naaman went to Elisha to be healed, Elisha told him to go and wash seven times in the Jordan River. Naaman wasn't thrilled with this idea. In fact, it says in 2 Kings 5, "But Naaman went away angry and said, 'I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy.'" He was angry about how things went down. He had different expectations for how things were going to be handled, but when he followed Elisha's directions - his healing came!
I feel very much like Naaman right now, but maybe we could say I'm a bit confused rather than angry! It's not that I'm ungrateful. I am EXTREMELY grateful to have found a natural and fairly simple protocol that will put MS into remission. I am TRULY thankful and grateful. But if I am honest - this is not how I wanted it to be. This is not what I was expecting. I was expecting for God to show up with another supernatural miracle. I was expecting another story to bring glory to His name. Another story to impress the medical professionals who have seen the 20+ lesions on my brain and spine. But at least for right now, that doesn't seem to be the path I'm on.
But you know what? There is so much along the way. There are so many stories of the day to day miracles, the day to day comfort and guidance - stuff that wouldn't be here if a miraculous event took care of everything all at once. The day to day miracles, the simple guidance and provision, these are the things we need to remember and focus on. These are the things we need to be grateful for. Let's not lose sight of the daily miracles, because we are disappointed God worked in a way we weren't expecting.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Speak life...
One of the specialists I'm working with recently left me a message assuring me I would return to "normal" - even better than normal!!! He spoke casually and with such confidence, not like he was trying to convince me, but he was just confident of it. Can I tell you how awesome it is to hear that?
My husband has had this deep confidence that I'm gonna be alright, that I'm gonna be healed. He's not hyping it and trying to convince me or himself. He's just had this steady confidence and when I'm down, he tells me, "You're gonna get better!!!" Do you know how healing those words are to hear? In the beginning, when I had NO IDEA what was going on - while I was picking out his wife in case I died of a brain tumor - he'd just hold me as I cried and then tell me, "It's gonna be ok. You're gonna be alright."
I have a friend who has consistently gone into prayer for me and sends Scripture images as God lays them on her heart. I've printed many of them and put them in my medical book as my pastor's wife recommended. When I was at a really dark place in the hospital, my Mom took them out and held them up for me to read and they breathed LIFE into me!!!
It's a great reminder how important our words are!!! I'm not big on lying or denying what's really happening ;), but finding God's perspective and declaring HIS truth and LIFE can be so powerful!!! Who around you needs you to speak HOPE and LIFE into their situation today? Be on the look out, pray, and see who God shows you!!! Maybe it's the cashier at the grocery store or a neighbor kid. Maybe it's a friend at work or a family member in your own home. Be on the look out and SPEAK LIFE!!! Never underestimate how powerful your words can be!!!
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Be still my soul...
I woke up this morning light headed and with a spinning type sensation. It was not pleasant and my husband came and prayed with me. He is accustomed to these things sorta freaking me out and causing fear. So he was praying against fear. I explained and cried to him, that rather than fear this time, I was discouraged. Progress, right? ;)
I can't seem to overcome MS on my own. Many of you know I am a do-er. A year ago, I didn't leave dirty dishes in my sink overnight or like laundry out on the couch, etc. Why put off till tomorrow what you can stress about and get done today?!
MS is not something I can power talk or push my way out of though. Don't get me wrong, being positive and working hard toward my goals is good for me, but I can't just willpower or force my way out of a brain injury.
So today, I stayed in bed. These Scriptures are excellent reminders. HE is fighting for me. Yes, I will do what I can, but ultimately the victory and healing come from HIM!!! He is fighting for me! Be still, my soul!!!
I can't seem to overcome MS on my own. Many of you know I am a do-er. A year ago, I didn't leave dirty dishes in my sink overnight or like laundry out on the couch, etc. Why put off till tomorrow what you can stress about and get done today?!
MS is not something I can power talk or push my way out of though. Don't get me wrong, being positive and working hard toward my goals is good for me, but I can't just willpower or force my way out of a brain injury.
So today, I stayed in bed. These Scriptures are excellent reminders. HE is fighting for me. Yes, I will do what I can, but ultimately the victory and healing come from HIM!!! He is fighting for me! Be still, my soul!!!
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