The day I thanked God for dirty feet...

Eight months after a nasty MS relapse, I walked around the neighborhood with my family tonight for the thirty minutes of exercise required by the protocol I'm on. Good, fast walking. And you know what happened? My flip-flopped feet felt dirty at the end of the day once again!!!! And you know what I did?? I thanked God for dirty feet!!! :) Ha ha

If we were to go back 8-9 months, you'd see me cautiously moving, trying to avoid right side of body spasms. They were exhausting, uncomfortable, scary, and causing a lot of anxiety. I walked hunched over, not so fast, and normally had someone with me when I did walk. My husband helped handle the household responsibilities, he helped wash my hair, and I often woke him up at night to come to the bathroom with me.

After steroids and baclofen (and LOTS of prayers) the spasms eventually stopped. I weaned off baclofen and started physical therapy. Then in September, I started Dr. Coimbra's Protocol for MS. I started on doses really too low to call Coimbra's Protocol. We started on only 20,000 IU a day, this was partially due to some blood test results. I did follow up labs in December and we increased my dose to 50,000 IU of D3 a day. In February, I did labs again and increased my dose again, this time to 100,000 IU of D3 a day!! I really began to feel something that I felt could be connected to the protocol.

The initial noticeable MS relapse was in June. It started with a dull dizzy feeling, extreme exhaustion, and a shaky, low blood sugar type feeling. Then my right arm started feeling sorta limp, although I still had strength in it. So when I went to urgent care I looked a little like a crazy lady. I went to a chiropractor the next day who suggested anxiety and/or blood sugar issues. We got into my PCP and by that point, my handwriting started to get sloppy. He got me a neuro referral. By the time I got to the neuro I had already had a similar limp/weakness feeling in my right leg come and go and tingles in my face come and go. My coordination was beginning to suffer though. When he wanted me to walk a straight/tightrope line, I looked a little like a drunk lady. Of course, my sister and I were laughing about this, which then caused my neuro to list "giddiness" as a symptom. Ha ha!

After an MRI revealing 20+ lesions, with lesions on my brain, c-spine, and t-spine, my neuro felt it was MS, but I also had positive Lyme tests. He wanted me to get a second opinion at a reputable facility. While he thought the Lyme was a false positive, he wanted me to see several specialists to look into some things - one to rule out a brain tumor. Specialists are not quick to get into, so we waited. But I worsened and eventually wound up in the hospital. At the hospital, Infectious Disease Doctors and Neurologists showed up and ruled out a brain tumor and Lyme disease and confirmed MS. From there we went forward with steroids.

Anyways, after all that was behind me, we started Dr. Coimbra's Protocol which requires 30 minutes of brisk walking a day to prevent bone loss on the protocol. Physical therapy helped a lot, but I still wasn't ready for brisk walking. I found it difficult to do a lot of moving around still. Fatigue, dizziness, processing issues, etc. It was taxing for my brain. I discovered I had a lesion on an area in my brain that relates to processing spatial information. I normally wouldn't feel dizzy if I was just sitting still, but would be careful about walking a lot/doing a lot. I was careful about moving my head, etc. Processing a lot around me can be hard on me. So we started with a recumbent stationary bike. No movement (besides my legs of course ;)). It was low to the ground and safe if I had a spasm again. I started doing 30 minutes of this a day. I then started subbing out partial time with marching in place behind the recumbent bike while holding on to the back of the seat. Then one day, I discovered I could march in place for the full 30 minutes!!! I still wasn't ready to walk around for the 30 minutes, but I could march in place!!! Then I would march in place while using weights and part of the time I would do "stair stepping" on a step stool. :) Then I decided to try the walking. I walked with focus, head down/still, so as to avoid processing everything going on around me and to try to avoid motion sickness from my head moving around too much. The next night we tried again and it was easier. I was able to look around a bit more. The third night was even better. The fourth night, I was exhausted and we slowed down a bit, but I was still doing better with processing/not having to keep my head down!!

It feels strange having that dirty feet feeling at the end of the day again. I always wear flip flops so it was a very common feeling before, just from actively doing life, but it hasn't been such a common feeling lately...So today I am grateful. Grateful for dirty feet!!! :)

Expectations...

My husband and I were recently talking about the whole MS, vitamin D therapy, and supernatural healing thing. ;)

When I was a little girl (I'm sure most of you have heard this story, so I'll keep it brief), I had a viral joint disease. My family carried me around, as it was painful for me to walk. I really don't remember much, not even the pain. I do remember two things, though: 1 - I have a faint memory of getting to eat, I think it was brownies, for breakfast one of those mornings - because brownies fix everything right? Apparently, I learned this at an early age! I will blame this on my Mom! :) and  2 - I remember my dad standing me up/holding me up on their water bed and praying for me. The Drs said it was very rare, there was no cure. They didn't know what was gonna happen.  If it spread to my spine, it could paralyze me. My Dad prayed, and then one day God healed me. Just like that. That simple.

Anyways, when this whole MS thing went down, it felt so much like an attack, yet another attack on my ability to move. The enemy had already tried to take that away from me and God healed me, Why was this happening again? I still don't have that answer...completely! :) I know this hasn't been from God, but I know He's using it.

Anyways, back to my discussion with my husband. We were talking about faith and how we need to follow WHERE God is leading US! We have a unique journey. God doesn't have a one-size-fits-all approach. When Naaman went to Elisha to be healed, Elisha told him to go and wash seven times in the Jordan River. Naaman wasn't thrilled with this idea. In fact, it says in 2 Kings 5, "But Naaman went away angry and said, 'I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy.'" He was angry about how things went down. He had different expectations for how things were going to be handled, but when he followed Elisha's directions - his healing came!

I feel very much like Naaman right now, but maybe we could say I'm a bit confused rather than angry! It's not that I'm ungrateful. I am EXTREMELY grateful to have found a natural and fairly simple protocol that will put MS into remission. I am TRULY thankful and grateful. But if I am honest - this is not how I wanted it to be. This is not what I was expecting. I was expecting for God to show up with another supernatural miracle. I was expecting another story to bring glory to His name. Another story to impress the medical professionals who have seen the 20+ lesions on my brain and spine. But at least for right now, that doesn't seem to be the path I'm on.

But you know what? There is so much along the way. There are so many stories of the day to day miracles, the  day to day comfort and guidance - stuff that wouldn't be here if a miraculous event took care of everything all at once. The day to day miracles, the simple guidance and provision, these are the things we need to remember and focus on. These are the things we need to be grateful for. Let's not lose sight of the daily miracles, because we are disappointed God worked in a way we weren't expecting.

Speak life...

One of the specialists I'm working with recently left me a message assuring me I would return to "normal" - even better than normal!!! He spoke casually and with such confidence, not like he was trying to convince me, but he was just confident of it. Can I tell you how awesome it is to hear that?

My husband has had this deep confidence that I'm gonna be alright, that I'm gonna be healed. He's not hyping it and trying to convince me or himself. He's just had this steady confidence and when I'm down, he tells me, "You're gonna get better!!!" Do you know how healing those words are to hear? In the beginning, when I had NO IDEA what was going on - while I was picking out his wife in case I died of a brain tumor - he'd just hold me as I cried and then tell me, "It's gonna be ok. You're gonna be alright." 

I have a friend who has consistently gone into prayer for me and sends Scripture images as God lays them on her heart. I've printed many of them and put them in my medical book as my pastor's wife recommended. When I was at a really dark place in the hospital, my Mom took them out and held them up for me to read and they breathed LIFE into me!!!

It's a great reminder how important our words are!!! I'm not big on lying or denying what's really happening ;), but finding God's perspective and declaring HIS truth and LIFE can be so powerful!!! Who around you needs you to speak HOPE and LIFE into their situation today? Be on the look out, pray, and see who God shows you!!! Maybe it's the cashier at the grocery store or a neighbor kid. Maybe it's a friend at work or a family member in your own home. Be on the look out and SPEAK LIFE!!! Never underestimate how powerful your words can be!!!
                   
                              

Be still my soul...

I woke up this morning light headed and with a spinning type sensation. It was not pleasant and my husband came and prayed with me. He is accustomed to these things sorta freaking me out and causing fear. So he was praying against fear. I explained and cried to him, that rather than fear this time, I was discouraged. Progress, right? ;)

I can't seem to overcome MS on my own. Many of you know I am a do-er. A year ago, I didn't leave dirty dishes in my sink overnight or like laundry out on the couch, etc. Why put off till tomorrow what you can stress about and get done today?!

MS is not something I can power talk or push my way out of though. Don't get me wrong, being positive and working hard toward my goals is good for me, but I can't just willpower or force my way out of a brain injury.

So today, I stayed in bed. These Scriptures are excellent reminders. HE is fighting for me. Yes, I will do what I can, but ultimately the victory and healing come from HIM!!! He is fighting for me! Be still, my soul!!!

Progress report...

Progress report!!! Today I actually did some light duty cleaning!!! Woot woot! My husband had to work pretty much all day today, so I was on my own!!! I decided to march in place for the 30 minutes of exercise I need - and I lasted the whole 30 minutes!!! It's been about an hour, and I'm recovering and not dealing with excessive dizziness or exhaustion. In fact, I still feel pretty good!!! The goal is for me to be doing 30 minutes of brisk walking a day. I'm still hesitant to walk around outside for 30 minutes. But today, I was able to march in place, in a quiet room for the full 30 minutes. All around, I am very happy with today's progress and pray it continues!!!

Go to God...

I was recently having a little chat with a lovely friend. She was offering encouragement and insight into her own life struggles. She ended with this:"It's ok to have doubts. Just take them to God, not the enemy." Yes!!! That!!! There is something similar that I always tell my kiddos (or rude neighbor kids who hang out at my house for that matter ;)). We speak LIFE in this house! Don't worry though, I am not under the false impression that anger never tries to creep in. Anger is not a feeling that we can just pretend away. It's really WHAT we DO with that anger that matters. So I encourage the children in my house, to come to ME or to DAD, NOT the person they are angry with. If you feel like you hate someone, or want to punch them or call them a mean name - come to ME!!!! I don't want them to go through life just stuffing anger or pretending it's not there. People are REAL and REAL people can be frustrating at times!!! Pretending like everything is skittles and rainbows doesn't make the REAL frustration go away. So, I tell them to come to me!!!

It's the same when we have problems in our lives!!! Whether it's a health issue, trouble in a relationship, dealing with the loss of a job, etc., ignoring the doubts, the fear, the anger, doesn't make these feelings or problems go away! I agree that sometimes we just gotta suck it up and put on our poker face, and, yes, sometimes that helps temporarily. But in the quiet, when we're all alone, sometimes those thoughts, fears, or doubts find themselves creeping back in. Instead of pretending they are not there - GO TO GOD with them. Don't let them just sit there with the enemy and incubate more negativity and doubt in your mind!!! BRING them to the light, bring them to GOD!!!! Let's His Truth pierce through the lies!! When our feelings fail us, we can run to the truth of God. Don't let the enemy have a hay day. Go to God. Bring your fears, bring your doubts, bring your anger - to HIM.

 Philippians 4:6 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Amazing brains...

We haven't been all that social the last few months as I've been recovering. Too much mental stimulation or stress can just be well - too much for me. :)

Our church has an annual get together at a local farm though and the kids really look forward to it each year. I prayed we would be able to make it. Thankfully we did!!! I took it easy and made sure to sit in the shade as often as possible. After a bit, I could tell it was affecting me though, at which point we headed home. Once we got home, I headed back to my bed. As I sat there with my computer, I started to feel like a spasm was too close. I called my husband back to pray with me. Thankfully, the rest of the night I improved rather than getting worse.

It's so strange that I can do my recumbent bike, back in my room, by myself, for 30 minutes. I can work up a sweat and do some light weights, but walking around and mental stimulation, seem to affect me. It's incredible how amazing our brains are and what they do without us even thinking about it. Think of a small child learning to walk. Walking on pavement is clearly easier than hiking. It's not always a strength or endurance issue, as much as a coordination issue. When we go through life, we are always processing what is going on around us. Our brains are telling us what noises are important and what noises to block out. It's telling us to breathe, to walk, to look where we are going. It's coordinating all these various functions related to different organs and parts of the body. It's incredible really.

In MS, the myelin sheath in your central nervous system is attacked. It's like some of those wires in your brain have had a mouse go through and nibble on them. All the messages don't flow down smoothly like they are intended to. Some of the coating on the "wires" - which are transmitting these signals to tell your body what to do - aren't all protected and encased like they should be. This means that sometimes the signal is affected and can't go through smoothly, and then things don't work right. Other times, if the damage isn't too bad or permanent, the signal might hum along just fine, despite the faulty coating, and everything will work just fine.

Just like anything in the early stages of wiring issues, it might work one day and not the next. Right now, it seems like I'm driving in a car with faulty wires - sometimes the A/C works and sometimes it doesn't. Whenever you have intermittent problems with something in your car or a radio or TV and it seems like it's a wiring issue, what is your first method of treatment? Bang the blasted object and see if that fixes it, right? Makes perfect sense to me! Ha ha. I have yet to try banging on my head, though. Maybe that is a treatment option I should consider...Hm. ;)

At any rate, as I can see my brain struggle, it's a reminder of how amazing our brains really are. They do SO much for us!! So much that we don't even realize they are doing!! So next time you see me, if I'm a little slow or sluggish, maybe try banging on my head. ;)