Speak life...

One of the specialists I'm working with recently left me a message assuring me I would return to "normal" - even better than normal!!! He spoke casually and with such confidence, not like he was trying to convince me, but he was just confident of it. Can I tell you how awesome it is to hear that?

My husband has had this deep confidence that I'm gonna be alright, that I'm gonna be healed. He's not hyping it and trying to convince me or himself. He's just had this steady confidence and when I'm down, he tells me, "You're gonna get better!!!" Do you know how healing those words are to hear? In the beginning, when I had NO IDEA what was going on - while I was picking out his wife in case I died of a brain tumor - he'd just hold me as I cried and then tell me, "It's gonna be ok. You're gonna be alright." 

I have a friend who has consistently gone into prayer for me and sends Scripture images as God lays them on her heart. I've printed many of them and put them in my medical book as my pastor's wife recommended. When I was at a really dark place in the hospital, my Mom took them out and held them up for me to read and they breathed LIFE into me!!!

It's a great reminder how important our words are!!! I'm not big on lying or denying what's really happening ;), but finding God's perspective and declaring HIS truth and LIFE can be so powerful!!! Who around you needs you to speak HOPE and LIFE into their situation today? Be on the look out, pray, and see who God shows you!!! Maybe it's the cashier at the grocery store or a neighbor kid. Maybe it's a friend at work or a family member in your own home. Be on the look out and SPEAK LIFE!!! Never underestimate how powerful your words can be!!!
                   
                              

Be still my soul...

I woke up this morning light headed and with a spinning type sensation. It was not pleasant and my husband came and prayed with me. He is accustomed to these things sorta freaking me out and causing fear. So he was praying against fear. I explained and cried to him, that rather than fear this time, I was discouraged. Progress, right? ;)

I can't seem to overcome MS on my own. Many of you know I am a do-er. A year ago, I didn't leave dirty dishes in my sink overnight or like laundry out on the couch, etc. Why put off till tomorrow what you can stress about and get done today?!

MS is not something I can power talk or push my way out of though. Don't get me wrong, being positive and working hard toward my goals is good for me, but I can't just willpower or force my way out of a brain injury.

So today, I stayed in bed. These Scriptures are excellent reminders. HE is fighting for me. Yes, I will do what I can, but ultimately the victory and healing come from HIM!!! He is fighting for me! Be still, my soul!!!

Progress report...

Progress report!!! Today I actually did some light duty cleaning!!! Woot woot! My husband had to work pretty much all day today, so I was on my own!!! I decided to march in place for the 30 minutes of exercise I need - and I lasted the whole 30 minutes!!! It's been about an hour, and I'm recovering and not dealing with excessive dizziness or exhaustion. In fact, I still feel pretty good!!! The goal is for me to be doing 30 minutes of brisk walking a day. I'm still hesitant to walk around outside for 30 minutes. But today, I was able to march in place, in a quiet room for the full 30 minutes. All around, I am very happy with today's progress and pray it continues!!!

Go to God...

I was recently having a little chat with a lovely friend. She was offering encouragement and insight into her own life struggles. She ended with this:"It's ok to have doubts. Just take them to God, not the enemy." Yes!!! That!!! There is something similar that I always tell my kiddos (or rude neighbor kids who hang out at my house for that matter ;)). We speak LIFE in this house! Don't worry though, I am not under the false impression that anger never tries to creep in. Anger is not a feeling that we can just pretend away. It's really WHAT we DO with that anger that matters. So I encourage the children in my house, to come to ME or to DAD, NOT the person they are angry with. If you feel like you hate someone, or want to punch them or call them a mean name - come to ME!!!! I don't want them to go through life just stuffing anger or pretending it's not there. People are REAL and REAL people can be frustrating at times!!! Pretending like everything is skittles and rainbows doesn't make the REAL frustration go away. So, I tell them to come to me!!!

It's the same when we have problems in our lives!!! Whether it's a health issue, trouble in a relationship, dealing with the loss of a job, etc., ignoring the doubts, the fear, the anger, doesn't make these feelings or problems go away! I agree that sometimes we just gotta suck it up and put on our poker face, and, yes, sometimes that helps temporarily. But in the quiet, when we're all alone, sometimes those thoughts, fears, or doubts find themselves creeping back in. Instead of pretending they are not there - GO TO GOD with them. Don't let them just sit there with the enemy and incubate more negativity and doubt in your mind!!! BRING them to the light, bring them to GOD!!!! Let's His Truth pierce through the lies!! When our feelings fail us, we can run to the truth of God. Don't let the enemy have a hay day. Go to God. Bring your fears, bring your doubts, bring your anger - to HIM.

 Philippians 4:6 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Amazing brains...

We haven't been all that social the last few months as I've been recovering. Too much mental stimulation or stress can just be well - too much for me. :)

Our church has an annual get together at a local farm though and the kids really look forward to it each year. I prayed we would be able to make it. Thankfully we did!!! I took it easy and made sure to sit in the shade as often as possible. After a bit, I could tell it was affecting me though, at which point we headed home. Once we got home, I headed back to my bed. As I sat there with my computer, I started to feel like a spasm was too close. I called my husband back to pray with me. Thankfully, the rest of the night I improved rather than getting worse.

It's so strange that I can do my recumbent bike, back in my room, by myself, for 30 minutes. I can work up a sweat and do some light weights, but walking around and mental stimulation, seem to affect me. It's incredible how amazing our brains are and what they do without us even thinking about it. Think of a small child learning to walk. Walking on pavement is clearly easier than hiking. It's not always a strength or endurance issue, as much as a coordination issue. When we go through life, we are always processing what is going on around us. Our brains are telling us what noises are important and what noises to block out. It's telling us to breathe, to walk, to look where we are going. It's coordinating all these various functions related to different organs and parts of the body. It's incredible really.

In MS, the myelin sheath in your central nervous system is attacked. It's like some of those wires in your brain have had a mouse go through and nibble on them. All the messages don't flow down smoothly like they are intended to. Some of the coating on the "wires" - which are transmitting these signals to tell your body what to do - aren't all protected and encased like they should be. This means that sometimes the signal is affected and can't go through smoothly, and then things don't work right. Other times, if the damage isn't too bad or permanent, the signal might hum along just fine, despite the faulty coating, and everything will work just fine.

Just like anything in the early stages of wiring issues, it might work one day and not the next. Right now, it seems like I'm driving in a car with faulty wires - sometimes the A/C works and sometimes it doesn't. Whenever you have intermittent problems with something in your car or a radio or TV and it seems like it's a wiring issue, what is your first method of treatment? Bang the blasted object and see if that fixes it, right? Makes perfect sense to me! Ha ha. I have yet to try banging on my head, though. Maybe that is a treatment option I should consider...Hm. ;)

At any rate, as I can see my brain struggle, it's a reminder of how amazing our brains really are. They do SO much for us!! So much that we don't even realize they are doing!! So next time you see me, if I'm a little slow or sluggish, maybe try banging on my head. ;)

Be still...

I was laying down trying to nap yesterday. I'm sleeping most nights and even sleeping in most days -yet I'm still so tired. This is a bummer, as it's nice when I feel more energized and ready to handle the day. :) I miss my coffee. ;) Anyways, I thought of how babies sleep more when they have growth spurts and I had this thought. Maybe I'm so tired and sleeping more because my body is HEALING!! Yes, wouldn't that be WONDERFUL?! Then I thought of how I had a verse on a post-it note by my bed about rest!

"The LORD will fight for you while you keep still..." Exodus 14:14.

And another great verse that probably should be on my night stand,

"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10.

Resting doesn't always come so natural to me. It's something I'm learning. I love the idea of God fighting for me while I rest, though!!! I love the idea of me healing while I sleep!!! So for now, that's what I'm gonna hold on to. :) While I'm resting, God is fighting for me and my body is healing!! In what area do you need to let go today and let God step in and fight for you, while you rest in Him?

Progress report...

I don't want to bore everyone with all my health updates, but I am so grateful for all of the prayers and help!!!! I want to pop in and give an update!!! The short it: I am doing MUCH better!!! For those of you who want more details, feel free to continue reading.

It has been over three months since I have had a major relapse. I am so grateful. I have no real idea how this works with MS...since well, I've never had it before. :) So I'm calling three months with no major relapse - Good News!!!! I've completely weaned off the muscle relaxant and it's been almost three months since I've had a spasm!!! I still have fatigue and cognitive/stress capacity issues that need improvement and numbness & dizziness that come and go, but I'm walking normal and up to speed most days and I feel like I'm definitely improving!!! I've been getting better at my balance exercises, and I've been able to push myself more when exercising! I had been making dinner prolly once a week for the last several weeks, but now the last few days I've been in the kitchen cooking more!!! I've had a few dips the last few months, but I feel that recently the dips don't seem to last as long, maybe a day, or an afternoon. I seem to bounce back quicker.

I went to see my THIRD Neuro and I think I finally found a winner!! Super sweet Neuro with 3 daughters and 11 grandchildren. He came in dressed normal, no white coat, and no superiority complex. He said I was the boss! He told me he would make his recommendations and would shoot straight with me, but I was welcome to disagree with him and that he's not always right! I brought him information about the MS protocol I'm on. I'm hoping he reads that! :) Of course, he wants me on meds and made his recommendations, but was fine with me trying my current protocol. He in no way tried to "punish" me for not doing things his way.

He scheduled a follow-up MRI for December and then a follow-up appt with him. He wants my MRI on a 3 Tesla machine rather than the 1.5 Telsa machine I had it done on last time. So more detail! I was a bit worried that this would mean the tube would be smaller, but I called today and the tube is actually 1 cm bigger! They also said my husband could be in the room with me again!!! So I'm super relieved about that!!! :)

I'm still not driving and would love to see enough cognitive/stress capacity improvement and clearing of lesions on the MRI to feel comfortable with driving again. I'm not really anxious to get out and about everywhere just yet, but feeling comfortable driving again would be good!!! Also prayers we stay healthy, as sickness can cause relapses.

We also discovered osteopenia and a 2nd autoimmune blood condition in all of our hunting. The good news about the 2nd autoimmune blood condition, that I really don't know much about, is that when we retested my numbers recently, my numbers had come down quite a bit!!! So that looks like progress to me too!! :) I'm taking it!!!

I haven't been to the lab in about 3 weeks. I'm sure my lab tech ladies are missing me and wondering if I'm ok. LOL So I'm headed in tomorrow for more testing. So far my body seems to be responding extremely well to the protocol and we are grateful for the doors that God has opened.

Once again, thank you to all of you who have helped carry us through with prayers, help, support, encouragement. The Lord has also brought me an awesome girl who can help with floors and bathrooms. (Y'all know how picky I am, so we know this is a miracle!!!) Several friends and family members are still graciously doing my grocery shopping for me, and we also still have family that is pitching in with meals for us. We are very grateful and very blessed. Thank you all for your continued prayers and love!!!